


A Couple of First Kisses

by Eightpoundsofhair



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst?, F/F, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, a happy midground?, fluff?, written for the 2020 lapidot week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 09:55:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23969446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eightpoundsofhair/pseuds/Eightpoundsofhair
Summary: Lapis had had multiple first kisses and she felt lucky about it. After all, most people only get one.Written for the First/Last Kiss prompt of the 2020 Lapidot week!
Relationships: Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 49





	A Couple of First Kisses

**Author's Note:**

> if you squint (and want to make me feel better about only writing to one prompt this week) this also fills the kissing in the rain, the beach, and MAYBE the confessions prompts.

It was a mid April afternoon when Lapis had her first kiss. 

She had been sat in the grass outside of the barn flowing a heavy rainstorm that afternoon. She had been drawn out by the rush of it, had been pulled to the windows to watch. And when the storm slowed and eventually stopped abruptly she quickly made her way out; wanting to feel the aftermath of the weather.

The outside smelled heavily of the wetness of the storm, it was the first thing she noticed when she had stepped outside. Earthy and muddy and musky, Lapis had breathed in heavily as she exited, letting her toes feel the mud underneath her, letting the seeping of the freshly dispersed water into the ground below soothe her.

She always felt like this after a storm. Felt calmed with the refilling of the craters below, adding fresh dampness to the streams and lakes nearby, filling the air around her with moisture. It made her feel safe, let her know that at any moment she could grab more of it than she would ever need. It soothed her to feel each little drop run down its path, slow and calm but promising of its collective power. It made her feel pleasant, one of the few things that did. 

Although maybe there was another reason she liked it so much, not that she would never admit.

Still, as she made her way outside so did _it_ , and it was hard in the moment to ignore. Hard to ignore her, Peridot, who went running outside and down the fields with excited calls of joy.

Lapis wasn’t sure why Peridot felt that way after the storms had passed. She surely didn’t feel the same calm, collected, togetherness that drew Lapis outside. She couldn’t enjoy the comfort of knowing that the water reserves had been replenished, didn’t have that connection. But still, she danced and sang and spun in happy circles, giggling all the while, after all of the big storms. After all of the small ones, too, now that Lapis thought about it. Darting her way back and forth across the land and kicking up puddles.

It was another one of her little things, one of Peridot’s little habits or passions that Lapis couldn’t comprehend, wouldn’t understand, but took fond pleasure in watching. 

But this one in particular always felt a bit better than normal. She sat on a rock to watch. 

For a long while she wasn’t sure why she found it so enthralling. Peridot had always been that way for her, though. Irritating and frustrating at times Lapis wished she could do away with her, had often regarded her as nothing more than another one of those many people who had disadvantaged her, but even so Lapis had always found her eccentricities interesting. Even back then, on the ship, her outbursts and fancy technology and temper tantrums had been different than anything she had seen before and she hadn’t been able to stop staring. But that was especially true now, especially true a few months into this new arrangement. Peridot had shifted so much sense then, was a completely different gem in many ways, and now, when she was trying so hard to make Lapis happy, somehow managing to achieve that in small degrees, she was all the more fascinating. 

It made it easy to shift their awkwardly made peace, both agreeing to be polite, both agreeing to be considerate, into a half formed little friendship, founded on little things like Peridot’s favorite show or the frogs which lived in the grass behind the bard. And with each day Lapis found her frustration easing, her comfort growing, and by then, by the time the rainstorms started rolling in, things had undoubtedly shifted. 

And when things had shifted she found herself noticing things more. Peridot became more than just interesting; she became captivating. Her odd little tasks and patterns, how she spoke about her favorite plants and rocks outside, how she walked through the barn, how she smiled, how her gem glittered in the light, how her hips moved as she adjusted her position on the couch, how she ran through the mud after the rain, arms outstretched with a high laugh falling out of her lips, became enthralling. 

And Lapis could hardly believe it when she noticed just how much she was noticing but it was undeniable; she was encapsulated because, just like some freshly cut gem who still had to learn the rules of the world, like some stupid human from Peridot’s shows, she was enamored. Interested. She _liked_ her. 

It had been a hard thing to come to terms with; she couldn’t believe that after so many years, thousands of them, so many of them terrible at that, that she was capable. It was beneath her to feel that way. Let alone for a Peridot. 

But _Peridot_ was different. She was a special cut, Lapis wasn’t sure what it was about her but she was different from all the other Peridots she had met. 

Arrogant and boastful, sure, but sweet at the same time. Gentle and able to stray from a task. It was hard to believe that she, the gem who danced in circles in the mud in front of her, kicking up clods and laughing giddily, was the same gem she had met before in that terrible little ship.

Lapis found herself strayed from her thoughts when Peridot stalled in her twirling, suddenly turned to Lapis with an outstretched hand.

“Dance with me?” she asked, voice loud and over articulated to compensate for their distance but sweet all the same, gentle and casual. Not insisting. Not pushing. Just asking. 

Lapis normally would have denied, likely would have that day too had she not already been thinking about it, about her, but she found herself sensitive. So with a forced roll of her eyes and a heavy sigh she rose to her feet, “I guess,”

Still, she couldn’t stop a small little half smile from gracing her face. Especially not when Peridot smiled brightly back at her, running across the soggy grass to meet her half way, sending large splashes of water up when she ran. Lapis laughed herself, halting the water in its trail before it could hit her and letting it fall, grabbing Peridot’s hands in hers. 

They fell into an awkward little shuffle. Peridot’s feet kept getting stuck in the mud when she could not run wildly like before, she kept tripping over Lapis, she sunk into the soft ground, making their height difference all the more dramatic and somewhat uncomfortable. But still, Lapis found herself laughing through it. Even if it only was because it was such a disaster, with Peridot almost toppling the both of them over more than once.But maybe that made it better.

It kept it feeling safe. Manageable.

And suddenly Lapis’s chest was tumbling with a nervous, excited little feeling that she hadn’t ever felt before. Her face was warming when she noticed just how close Peridot was. Her insides were twisting in loops when she felt suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to pull her close and hug her, touch her, mimic the humans in that silly little show she loved. 

It made her swaying around the muddy dirt with Peridot some to a stall, catching Peridot’s attention and causing her eyes to rise up in confusion, her soft little eyebrows pulling down gently, her grip on Lapis’s waist weakening. 

“Are you okay?” she asked, voice low with concern, barely whispered above the singing of the toads in the waterways around them, looking up at her with nothing but care. And that face, so wonderfully considerate, making sure she wasn’t overstepping boundaries, making sure she was okay, made adoration swell widely in her chest. 

“Yes,” Lapis whispered back, her voice breathy as she grabbed higher up Peridot’s arms, watching as she ran her hands down the length of them, “I just,” she breathed, trailing her eyes back up to look at her, “I think I would like to kiss you,”

Peridot’s eyes widened, her face going a deep blue as she blushed, the color trailing down her neck, down her chest, too. She leaned back a bit from Lapis’s touch, her eyebrows pulling taught up on her skin. 

At first she did not reply and in her silence Lapis found her heart catching up with her words. The silence pulled down the pit of her chest, the hollows of her body forced down heavily, leaving room for worry, deep and heavy, to fill the extra space. 

But before the feeling could consume her all together, before she could get herself to run, Peridot’s expression shifted, her eyes growing softening, growing shiny, hopeful. She smiled up at Lapis, a watery little thing, and the sight of it eased Lapis’s fears, dulled the hot panic.

“Do you mean it?” Peridot whispered, looking up into Lapis’s eyes gently, hopefully. Excitedly. Wanting. 

Lapis breathed loudly, overwhelmed as her chest swelled with a hundred feelings at once, excitement, nerves, anticipation, all twirling and crashing about and almost distracting from radiant joy that consumed it all, “Yeah,” she replied, her own words breathy and half whispered.

And as she spoke Peridot’s smile tore across her face at once, big and wide and teary and Lapis, at the sight of it, felt much the same way. 

But she hardly had time to reflect on it; before she knew it Peridot leaned in to give her the tiniest little peck. Gentle and lasting hardly a second but _still_.

For that brief moment when their lips had connected Lapis’s insides lit up in a bright display of fireworks, loud and colorful and brilliantly excited. For that brief moment she felt as if she could conquer the world, like nothing could ever harm her again, like everything would be perfect for the rest of time. And even when Peridot pulled away far too soon, only to fall into a giddy laughing fit, she couldn’t care. 

She was so excited. So happy. Besides, once Peridot had calmed enough she had thrown herself back onto her to kiss her properly.

**

Lapis got her second first kiss a good few months later. 

It had been perhaps less exciting than the first, it certainly happened under much more bittersweet circumstances than she would have expected, but she was glad she got it. Was glad Peridot was willing to give it to her. After all, most people only got one first kiss. Lapis was glad she had the opportunity to get her second.

It had happened a few months after she had come back, come home. A few months after everything that had happened with the diamonds, a few months after she had finally gained the courage to risk it. A few months after she had returned to her, largely _for_ her, after having been so selfish, so foolish. 

But still, even when she had arrived home, even after she had come back, her change of heart didn’t change the fact that Peridot was mad at her.

Not that Lapis could blame her, she knew well that she deserved it, she fully understood why Peridot felt that way, but still. It was hard to have to tip toe around her after they had before been so comfortable together. It was hard to have to work together, hard to have to team up with her to fight before they could speak, after everything that had happened between them. It was hard to reform to the sight of her, only to be whisked away before she could even apologize. 

Perhaps it wasn’t the best way to reunite. It certainly only seemed to further the wedge between them as, after the battle, after they had won and were both home again, the opportunity had seemed to pass. Lapis wanted to apologize still, wanted to more than anything, but Peridot had boldly ignored her, refused to meet her eye, all the way home. Refused to meet her eye even after they had landed back home, everything supposedly better now. And while it was, it really, really was, it made it hard to feel happy about it. 

The two of them hardly spoke for a month. 

Peridot was ignoring her, bluntly and plainly, and while Lapis understood, let her have her space, it was hard to deal with. 

She had expected a warm welcome home, plenty of kisses and an excited little speech, something much sappier than this. She had expected Peridot to let Lapis fall into her arms, to let her explain how she was sorry and that she missed her. She had not planned to be caught in the war right away. She had not planned to never get the chance to even say more than ‘hey’. And even when she understood when Peridot wouldn’t let her get too close, wouldn’t speak at her, only look to her when she had to, even when Lapis felt that this was only right, it was hard to be home, to have come back for her, only to be met with nothing. 

Slowly, still, they made peace again. It took some urging from Steven, took prompting from him to both of them, but eventually Peridot had started talking to her again. All at once they went from nothing to countless long, tear filled talks. And yet while Lapis knew that it was helping, knew Peridot was taking her time to trust her again but was taking the first steps in doing so, it hurt. 

At first it stung more than Lapis thought she could bear. It hurt more than she could stand having to watch her cry over something _she_ had done. It hurt terribly to be the cause of all that anguish. It hurt to have to relive that one mistake a million times over. 

But with each night it hurt a little less. Each night Peridot’s grief, her anger, her crying, was less. Each night they ended things a bit better. Each night would end with a more optimistic outlook. 

And slowly, after night after night of talking it out, of carefully maneuvering around one other, of apologizing, they were becoming friends again. Peridot would talk to her casually outside of their nightly talks, in passing with others around. Would address her causally, without the underlying heat of tension. They could share the occasional joke. And while that underlying hurt was still more than obvious they were making good progress. 

On the night it happened it was late when Peridot approached her. Later than she normally would have wanted to talk. By then Lapis had assumed they would miss out on today, Peridot would have retired to do whatever it was she did at night, and Lapis would sit, thinking desperately of what she would say tomorrow to fix things. Yet eventually Peridot did come; approached Lapis in what was nearly the middle of the night, crossing the beach to where Lapis had sat staring emptily towards the water.

At first Peridot said nothing, simply sat besides her as Lapis turned to look at her, heart lurching for her. As she watched her, watching as she sat, it stung at her chest again. She wished she knew how to make things all the way better, how to finally set things right. It _sucked_ that she didn’t.

Still, even when she sat besides her, Peridot didn’t look in Lapis’s direction, not once. Instead she simply sat silently besides her, stretching out her legs and leaning back on her arms, staring, herself, into the sea. 

Lapis watched her for a long while, unable to stop herself from taking note of where the light struck her face, moonlight sending pearly kisses down her skin, leaving blue highlights on the highs of her cheeks, over her visor, down the bridge of her nose. She looked pretty like that, even when her eyebrows were pulled slightly down and her lips were pursed, clearly in thought herself, likely upset, staring into the waves. Still, it was hard to ignore how pretty she was. Always Lapis noticed it, often in the most sparse, random moments. But now it felt almost overwhelming. She was beautiful, Lapis couldn’t help but repeat it to herself.

Lapis eventually pulled her gaze, however, not wanting to upset her by staring, needing to stop _herself_ from crying by looking at her, and she turned her own gaze back out to the sea. The waves were mellow, calm and slow in the late hour of the night, and she took a slow breath to calm herself. 

Yet when Peridot let out her own heavy breath, high pitched and overly deep, audibly upset, she quickly turned back to look at her, the sea entirely forgot. 

She had her face in her hands, legs cuddled into herself and Lapis quickly rushed over to her, tentatively placing a hand on her shoulder, gentle and light so she could push away if she needed. She didn’t move away, though, only leaned further towards Lapis as she let out a squeaky sob. 

Lapis grabbed her, letting her wrap herself into her touch, squeezing her back, her chest fumbling hotly, filling brightly with that old and usual pain, as pulsing and painful as the rough tides. 

“I’m so sorry,” Lapis whispered to her, her own voice high, distressed, even when she didn’t mean for it to. 

Peridot sniffled, taking a long, shaky breath as she pulled away, pulling her visor from her face to drop into the sand beside her, rubbing away her tears all the while. Lapis let her fall away, even when parting from her left her chest throbbing again with that painful ache. She wanted to hug her tightly, wanted to murmur a million apologies, hold her hands and kiss her cheeks until she could find a way to fix things. She wanted to touch her, for Peridot’s sake undoubtably but for her’s as well. But she forced herself to push down the feeling, leaning back on her knees in the sand as Peridot rubbed at her own face, having to content herself with simply being there.

Eventually, though, Peridot began to calm. Her sniffles paced themselves, her face drew reasonably dry, her heavy sighs grew deeper in pitch. She held herself in the sand, avoiding Lapis’s gaze as she picked herself back up. Dusted herself off and calmed the tears.

Still, even when she visibly calmed, even when her body stopped shaking, her breathing slowed, when Peridot spoke again her words came out wobbly and quiet, high and unsteady, tearful in their own right. 

“I missed you,” was all she said, keeping her eyes down as she whined the words, biting her lip and balling her fists, eyes glassy. 

Lapis felt her face crumple in response, chest aching hotly again from when it had let some of its grip go before. She felt like she herself might cry, eyes watering quickly as she sat there, defeated and feeling wholly miserable; unable to do anything but sit and listen for the millionth time to the damage she had caused to Peridot’s heart. 

Still, she tried her best to shake off the tears no matter how much she was hurting to speak, try, somehow, again to find new words to remedy their relationship. But when she opened her mouth the attempt fell flat and she found herself whimpering through the only phrase she felt she had said since she had returned home. 

“I’m so sorry,”

Peridot leaned out to her again at that, falling back into Lapis’s arms and breathing heavy, slowly calming herself again, pushing back her tears. Lapis leaned into the touch, calming herself as best she could, comforted by Peridot’s want to touch her. 

“Don’t leave me again,” Peridot whispered after a long moment, her words weak and tired but decidedly unaltered by tears. 

“Never,” Lapis insisted at once, her own voice breathy and confident even though the ache in her chest, “I promise,”

Peridot responded by pulling away, her face shiny and silver in the moonlight from her tears. She took Lapis’s hands in her own after a moment, squeezing at them softly as she kneeled across from her. 

“I missed you, too,” Lapis whispered after a short pause.

Peridot laughed at that, the sound muddled vaguely by sadness, weak and scruffy, but real all the same, “I know,”

The sound soothed some of the ache in Lapis’s chest, dulled the overwhelming worry and suffocating sadness, and she smiled loosely at Peridot, catching her pretty green eyes.

“Peridot?” she whispered, voice as gentle as she could make it, hardly audible above the crash of the waves. Hopeful for the first time in months. 

“Yeah?” she whispered back, scooting a little half pace closer, eyes softer than Lapis had seen since before all of this. Still foggy with tears, still heavy with sadness, but different now. They felt genuine. Felt soft. Felt safe. Felt, maybe, maybe if Lapis was lucky, like they might be finished with this mess once and for all. 

“I love you,”

Peridot’s eyes widened briefly, mellowed by her past pain, weaker than it otherwise would have been, but still big and obvious. She laughed after a moment, leaning a bit back in her sit all the while. When she spoke her voice was louder than it had been all night, muddled equally by joy and left over tears, “I love you, too, Lapis”

And with a genuine little smile she leaned in, closing the gap and giving her a soft, gentle little kiss that lasted hardly a second. 

But still, even when Peridot pulled away far too soon, Lapis felt herself smiling brightly back, just as genuinely as Peridot who looked back at her.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there friends! This story initially ended MUCH differently (this prompt was both first AND last kisses after all) but it grew long and much sappier than initially intended and I felt weird tacking that end on. If you feel strongly that you would like to see an alternate, very angsty end to this fic let me know and I might add it in a bonus chapter later.  
> Either way- Thank you very much for reading! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE leave me a comment! And have a lovely day!


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